setting limits

The thing is, I buy things that I just remotely like, and sometimes it's not even remote. I just buy it because it's relatively cheap. I justify it by saying to myself that I'll eventually wear it at some point in my life. But that's never what happens. So I think I need to limit myself. I'm going to stop buying clothes UNTIL I see something that I really really love. It will probably be expensive. But I think in the long run buying a smaller quantity of more expensive clothes will save me money over buying a larger quantity of less expensive clothes. Or it might just even out...

In fact, if I can handle it, I think I'm not going to spend any more money on clothing this summer EXCEPT for a pair of wedges/heels/chunky sandals that I have been dyingggggggggg to have forever. So I can save up and get a really great pair of shoes!

I'm worried about next year. I'm always worried about the future, but this time more so. I've always been so self conscious of my environment and how I act in it and with whom I interact and connect. Honestly, how much mental growth and maturity have I underwent between my first year of college and the end of high school? It's hardly quantifiable. I can't detect it at all, and it's troublesome. College doesn't seem to be working for me?

i have a compulsive online shopping disorder

in which i have to constantly buy stuff.......
i should transfer some of my money into savings, that way i would have less money to immediately spend in my checking account
even though savings is basically the same as my checking account but only a click away
but it's the principle that counts

ughhh having little work to do in lab in enabling my disorder

thoughts? hardly

so i got a tumblr... for a number of reasons i can't remember right now. but i ended up just reblogging photos of pandas (albeit ADORABLE photos of pandas) and squealing about the various tv shows i watch and finding pretty graphics to go along with my squeals. for a short time last summer (or maybe over winter break?) i started a model tumblr. it was pretty successful!!! but then i forgot about it.

i am sitting in lab, not doing anything. i've definitively decided that research and graduate school are NOT for me. i dont know if maybe it's my own specific project that is particularly boring.. because the other girl in my lab is busy doing lots of stuff. i just spent the morning preparing a dialysis buffer... put my protein sample in the dialyzer... which i then put into the dialysis buffer. im going to change the buffer at the end of the day, and it's going to be dialyzing overnight. in between all of that i guess im going to vary between fb, gmail, firstclass, and writing down random stuff in my lab notebook.

my life at wellesley over the summer seems to revolve around food. when am i getting food? what food am i getting? what am i going to eat? carbs were my friends the first week i was here... poptarts and pasta mmm! now i have added some fruit and protein to the mix. hopefully i wont be that malnourished by the end of the summer.

college rebel

1. cutting classes and sleeping in late
2. broke into the dining hall at 1 in the morning and stole some grapes, cereal, and an orange
3. went tunelling aka travelling through secret passageways underground, breaking through doors, squeezing between and stepping over burning pipes all the way to the greenhouse. i might die/get cancer as a result of the asbestos dust down in the tunnels
4. slipped through a window in a bathroom on the 5th floor to get to the roof of the science center

tee veee

new favorite tv show: JUSTIFIED
i never thought i'd be attracted to a southern accent, but timothy olyphant makes it work. plus he's ruggedly handsome and can handle a gun.

shows i am still excited to watch each week:
-FlashForward : i love simon, he makes everything so exciting
-Fringe : TOTALLY CALLED THE ENDING with the other walter (peter's real father) being the ambassador or whatever. i hope that episode wasn't the season finale :(
-Community : paintball episode was pure gold, except for the whole britta and jeff hooking up thing. jeff has a nice body

shows that i forget about then get excited when i remember there's a new episode:
-The Good Wife : initially only started watching for matt czuchry but im enjoying the actual legal cases and plot
-Smallville : oliver and chloe are finally together!!! i hope it lasts for awhile

shows i watch out of habit:
-Glee : not really expecting much anymore. the songs are still fun though! finn is really big... he like towers over rachel. and he has a hulking torso. I LOVE JESSE ST JAMES aka jon groff
-Gossip Girl : blair and chuck must reunite and then all will be right with the world

shows that i secretly watch but don't talk about:
-All the other CW shows: Vampire Diaries, 90210, Melrose Place

shows i watch that demonstrate that i desperately need a life:
-10 Things I Hate About You: completely ruined the movie... have no idea why i am watching this... i spend too much time on hulu

oliver

my future husband's name will be oliver
and he will have dirty blond hair

seeking empathy

i wish i could find someone who completely and wholly understands me